Aren't you excited?
No...should I be?
I am currently sitting on my couch, and my family has gone to sleep for the night. I am reflecting on today, and I have been asked that question a lot. Is it to be expected that I am excited? I do not know, but I do know that I am not excited or nervous. I feel indifferent. To be honest with you all, I feel like it isn't real yet. I am waiting for a two ton truck to hit me full force. Hey! Hope! You are going thousands of miles away and you are leaving your friends and family for months. Why does it make me feel nothing? Maybe the truth is that I won't be hit by a truck, maybe it comes in waves. Softly at first. Something small like looking at my bags by the door, then the waves get bigger. Cuddling my dogs for the last night. Then the wave swells and I am standing in the airport hugging my family goodbye. Or, maybe I get to Spain and I still can't believe I am where I am. Then, a few days in, the shock is gone and I am hit with the realization that I am crazy. Crazy excited for the possibilities ahead of me. Crazy nervous because I am alone in a foreign country. Crazy because I finally took the leap of faith that I have been planning for a year. I prayed hard about this decision, and I knew it was in God's hands.
If I am being honest, I was afraid to do this at first. I was afraid because I didn't have the confidence in myself that I could do it. Then I read a book by Sadie Robertson titled Fearless. I realized that I was holding myself back; fear was holding me back. I want to see the world and what it has to offer. I want to trust God and jump into life feet first. God didn't create fear; He tells us to not be afraid in the Bible, so what am I afraid of? I refuse to continue being afraid. I don't have confidence in myself, but I have confidence in God and I am ready to go. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, or maybe I am filled with peace because I trust the God who dwells inside of me. We will find out...my bags are packed...